Lately I have been having a wicked craving for cake. Or pastry. Mostly cake. I've been able to resist, for the most part. Until yesterday, when I was driving to Zeke's school to pick him up, stopped for gas because the light came on, and threw a pack of Twinkies in with the bottle of water and pack of gum when I was paying.
A fucking pack of Twinkies. And it was a 3-pack -- there was a bonus Twinkie in there for my snarfing pleasure. Whee!
I haven't had Twinkies, like, ever. My mother didn't allow us to eat crap like that when I was a kid (we were a "no sugar cereal" household), and I seriously cannot remember ever making the decision to pull a package of them off the shelf and hand over cash so I could consume them. I know I have tasted them before -- probably one of my elementary school friends with lenient parents let me have a bite -- but actually going out and buying them? I have no recollection of that.
Within a half-mile of the gas station, all 3 Twinkies were history.
"But wait," you say. "Haven't you been making a huge effort to eat well and doing a hard-core exercise program in an effort to lose that last 15 pounds of baby weight?"
"Yes. Yes, I have. Thank you for reminding me."
"So what happened?" you ask.
Well, that's a good question. I don't really have food issues -- I don't eat when I'm depressed or anything like that. The opposite, in fact. The more stressed I am, the more my appetite abandons me. And I generally have enormous willpower when it comes to diet and exercise. Give me a structured program, a calendar and a food scale and I will stick to it within an inch of its life. I'm almost addicted to the discipline of it. But I guess trying to stick to a difficult program when I haven't really slept in 3 months and everyone in my household is sick was just too much. I got a cold, I got tired, I got lazy, and I got my period. A grand slam of motivation killers.
But I'm back today with a vengeance. The good thing about eating crap like Twinkies is that within 24 hours I feel like a disgusting pudge, and any desire to eat junk food flies out the window. All I want to do is have a protein shake and lift weights. Zeke is sleeping longer at a stretch (shit, I feel like I'm jinxing myself by admitting it), my cold is gone, and I'm feeling motivated again. Which is good, because I've got a ton of stuff to do and I can't afford to be a bum. I need to write that education law syllabus for the law school today. I need to mail off my Hawaii tax return. I need to mail our Australian relatives a bunch of presents that were supposed to be Christmas presents but I guess will have to be Valentine's or Lincoln's Birthday gifts. And somewhere in all of that, I will find time to work out.
Wish me luck.
You look great and ever last ounce of baby weight will come off. Enjoy a twinkie along the way. OK, I just wrote that and then was like, who the fuck are you giving that kind of advice? It's the way I'd like to feel, but I'd be flipping out if I'd just eaten twinkies. But it's the advice I'd really like to give and take.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate any and all advice and support, regardless of whether it's advice you heed or not. Right now I'm laughing at the fact that Google has placed a weight loss ad on the side of the post. So Google thinks I'm a big fatass!
ReplyDeleteWendy - I so wish I had your motivation. I play the "well, I've already messed up" game where I slip and have something bad for me early in the day and thus use that for an excuse to overindulge the rest of the day.
ReplyDeleteIt's pitiful.
Keep up the good work and stay motivated. Three Twinkies won't kill you. They might never fully digest, but they won't kill you.