Forget-me-not.

 I feel like Alzheimer’s and dementia are everywhere right now.

I hear about it constantly. It comes up and I learn that another friend, another co-worker, another relative has it.

My dad was diagnosed about a year ago. A co-worker’s mom has it. My aunt has been in really bad shape with it for years and is now completely incapacitated. I know so many people in this situation.

It fucking sucks.

That’s my dad with baby me.

From a big picture standpoint, right now he is relatively ok. Relative to what, though? I guess in my head it’s relative because when I think about Alzheimer’s, I think about not knowing who you or your family or friends are. Needing full-time care. Disappearing.

I know that it manifests itself differently in different people, but that’s what always comes to my mind.

So relative to that, it isn’t abjectly terrible. He’s lost a lot of weight and is noticably more physically frail, but he can get up and around for the most part. He goes to the gym every day. His short term memory is non-existent, he gets disoriented, and he loses everything, but he can still talk about politics and go to the movies and have a conversation. He reads books and watches the news. The disease has not caused him to forget his deep hatred for Donald Trump. To my knowledge, there has not been a single incident when he didn’t know who my mom is, or who my brothers and I are, or who his brother and sister are, or who his grandchildren are. He knows where and when he lives.

He knows his life.

It’s so hard on my mom, though. She is the one who is dealing with the relentless exhaustion and stress that comes from taking care of him. The ‘disease makes him even more yell-y and easily agitated than he already was and she bears the full brunt of it.

This is the “for worse” part of the marriage vows. But she carries on.

Greg’s mom has it, and the rate and extent of his mom’s decline over the past few months has been shocking. She is definitely losing herself and it’s heartbreaking to watch. This past week the family had to put her in an assisted living facility - against her will and with an excruciating amount of agita and tears - because it isn’t safe for her to be at home any more. Last night he and I were talking and he said that he had never felt such profound sadness in his entire life.

There’s also the selfish aspect of it. I worry about getting it. I don’t want my life to be that in the end. Women tend to get it more than men. But I am my mother’s clone and physically take after her side of the family much more than my dad’s side, except for the crazy little cowlick at the bottom of my hairline at the back of my neck. She’s fine, so maybe I will be too.

Maybe not.

I got involved with the Alzheimer’s Association last year and did a long bike ride to raise money for them. It was supposed to be a seventy-mile mile ride but I ended up doing seventy-seven because I took a wrong turn in the last stretch and ended up riding an extra two miles through the streets of Fort Collins. I’m doing it again - seventy-five miles in June.

Fingers crossed that I don’t get lost again.

Then this past weekend I got a wild hair and decided to do the one in D.C. - forty-five miles in May. It’ll be nice to have my dad there to cheer me on, plus I can use it as a training ride for the one the following month.

It makes me feel like I’m doing what I can, plus it keeps me in shape. Apparently exercise is a way to reduce the risk of getting the disease.

Anyway, it is a fundraiser, so I would be remiss if I didn’t post my fundraising link. All the money goes to Alzheimer’s research and to support for families - hotlines, support groups, things like that. Any donation, big or small, would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for cheering me on.