Panic! 'Ere the Ship Goes

When I got to work this morning, I had gotten no sleep and had been in a state of panic for 14 hours. 

Yesterday when I checked the mail, I had a letter from my health insurance company. They informed me that my health insurance for me and my children had been terminated and that I would cease to have coverage after June 30, 2022. 

I immediately burst into tears.

It's been a difficult and stressful week. 

Work has been uncharacteristically hectic. I had court all day on Wednesday, an expulsion hearing yesterday, and three new disputes/cases to deal with.

I've been scrambling to get Zeke packed and ready for his big bike trip before I leave for my cruise. 

I needed to get a COVID test and go to the waxing salon and get my nails done. 

I've been getting organized and packing for myself, and feeling overwhelmed by the task. So many things to take - dresses! jewelry! casual clothes! workout clothes! fancy shoes! hiking shoes! Does my bathing suit look ok on me? 

The agita came to a head when I was trying to figure out the bra situation for a new dress that has a halter neck, meaning my shoulders are bare and I can't wear a regular bra without straps showing. The other night I literally spent 45 minutes engaged in boob-wrangling to try to figure out what to do with this one stupid dress. I have some strapless bras, but strapless bras are invariably difficult if you have big boobs, because if they do the job and actually hold the girls up, they are tight and cumbersome. I have some of those clippy things you can use with regular bras to pull the straps in to make a racer-back, but it didn't work with the neckline. By the time I gave up I was exhausted and stressed out and felt like I had been wrestling a bear. 

Greg's solution was to gleefully suggest that I go commando, which I may end up doing. 

Time is particularly of the essence because I'm going to a Dead show tonight, another one tomorrow, and then our flight to Seattle leaves the following morning at 6 a.m.

In immortal words of Crash Davis, I'm dealing with a lot of shit. 

So when I got the letter from the insurance company, I lost my mind. I was wracking my brain trying to figure out if I had somehow forgotten to make all of my benefits selections during the open enrollment period, but I knew I hadn't because a) I specifically remember doing it, and b) when I logged in to my account, a number of the changes I made were reflected in my account. The idea that I would make a bunch of changes and selections but somehow neglect the health insurance piece, which is without a doubt the most important part? Inconceivable. 

It was too late to call anyone, so I hurriedly wrote an email - which I'm sure was barely comprehensible - to one of our benefits coordinators asking if they knew what was going on. 

Then I fretted all night. What would I do? Was it too late to fix it? The end of June is less than 2 weeks away, and I'll be gone for one of those weeks - how do I find decent health insurance in such a short time? How will I afford it? How will I get my and my kids' prescriptions filled? What if something happens to Zeke on his trip and he doesn't have health coverage? Who will I be able to see for my knee rehab? How can I risk injury riding the Triple Bypass or skiing next season or doing anything else if I can't find insurance coverage? 

My heart pounded in my chest and I didn't sleep. I was too nervous to eat. So I got up and went to work super early because I couldn't think of anything else to do. When I got to the office, I headed to the HR department.

"Hi, guys," I said. "I don't know if you've seen my email but..." 

Before I could finish my sentence one of the women said, "I was just getting ready to email you back. There was a glitch - it happened to a few people and it's already been fixed. Don't worry, you're good to go."

I felt overwhelming relief followed by overwhelming exhaustion and hunger. 

"Oh my god. Thank you so much. I was seriously freaking out. You're the best." 

"All good, Wendy. We've got you covered."

I went up to my office and starting checking stuff off my to-do list. My COVID test results came back negative. I texted Zeke about getting all the stuff he needs into his duffel bag. I bought a parking pass for the show tonight so we don't have to worry about parking. I reminded myself to leave checks for the cat sitter and the cleaning lady. Tomorrow I will finish packing before I take my stuff Greg's and we head out to the second show. We will be exhausted Sunday morning, but once we get on the boat we won't have to do anything. 

Maybe at that point, the feeling of anxiety that is gripping my chest will abate and I can finally relax.