Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

I woke up this morning feeling inexplicably happy.  "Inexplicably" not because my life sucks and I have nothing to be happy about, but because I've been really agitated and vibrate-y the past few days, and the change in how I felt this morning was marked.  And as with depression, which manifests itself physically as a feeling of cold, heavy tension in my chest and gut, the feeling of happiness is physical as well - kind of a zingy lightness that makes it difficult to stop smiling.

It's kind of pathetic that I'm so used to being stressed out and nervous and worried about what's coming next that when I'm actually in the moment and feeling good, I don't quite know what to do with myself. I kept trying to analyze what was going on - why am I feeling this way?  What's going on?

I kept waiting for the feeling to abate.

But it didn't.  So I decided to just acknowledge the things I should be happy about.

I slept well and had good dreams, including one in which I was kissing a hot guy.  Sleep is good, and I've been sleeping better lately than I have in years.  And kissing hot guys doesn't suck either.

I had a great workout - lifted really heavy weights and felt energized afterwards.  Physically, I'm healthy and I feel fantastic.  I've been back on the slow carb eating plan, which I should really do all the time because it makes me feel so good - I have energy and I'm losing my layer of winter chub. And it's so clearly what my body needs - when I'm not eating starchy carbs and sugar, I don't feel lethargic or bloated and I don't crave junk.

It was a spectacularly beautiful, bluebird Colorado day.  I sat outside and enjoyed lunch with a friend from work whom I really like.  I've been reconnecting with old friends and making new ones, and it has made me appreciate how many smart, interesting, funny, wonderful people I am privileged to know.

My kids woke up chirpy and behaved themselves perfectly as we got dressed and got out the door -- no fights, no dawdling, no complaints.  I almost wanted to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming that part as well.

I spent some time playing the banjo and singing, which always makes life a little better.

I enjoy my job and the people I work with.  It's interesting and it makes a real difference in people's lives.

I have a family who adores me and whom I will see at the beach in 4 weeks.  Ten days of sun and sand and swimming and reading and being with people with whom I can be myself and who love me for it.

There is so much to be happy about every day.

Of course, I can't compete with the utter joy that my ghetto children get to experience when their daddy takes them to Cheesman Park after school and lets them prance around in the fountains in their underwear.

But I'll take what I can get.


  1. It sounds like you've got a lot of joyful things going on and on the horizon! Yay, you! And I would loooooove to be in that fountain in my undies!

    1. I know, doesn't it look like the best time? And it was a gorgeous, hot, sunny afternoon - Jason said they were having ridiculous amounts of fun.