Monday, January 23, 2012

Me love you long time

Let me start by saying that my mother is a highly intelligent, sophisticated, worldly individual.  She is extremely well read and has traveled all over the world.  I would never describe her as naive or sheltered.

Which makes this story that much funnier.

She's been away on business the past few weeks, traveling in China, Vietnam and Cambodia (there might be other places, but I don't remember). Mostly she worked, but from time to time she and her coworkers had a few hours here and there to do some shopping and sample the local culture.\

She arrived home and immediately called me. We usually speak on the phone at LEAST once a day, and we had only a brief 5 minute chat the entire 2 weeks she was gone, so we were jonesing for that mother-daughter connection. She was telling me about how the trip went, some random friend of my dad's that she ran into in the hotel restaurant in Cambodia, and the various tchotchkes she bought for the kids.

"Oh, and I got the cutest t-shirt in Beijing!"

"Oh, yeah? What does it look like?" I asked.

"It says 'I love BJ' on it, you know, with a heart. In honor of your dad."

Before your head explodes, let me clarify that my father's initials are "B.J."

"You bought a shirt that says 'I love BJ' on it?"

"Yeah, you know, 'BJ' for Beijing. Only really for your dad." She sounded very cute and proud. It made me sad to have to break it to her.

"Mom, if you wear that shirt in the United States, do you realize what people are going to think it means?"

"What? Uh-oh." Her voice took on a somber tone.

"'I love blow-jobs.'"

"Oh, no! Really? Come on!"



"Yeah. But hey, you would have been really popular if you had worn it out in public!"

"That's really what it means?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Shit. I guess I'll just use it as a sleep shirt."

I think that would be best for everyone involved.

Or maybe I'll just get my dad one of those super-classy "Free Mustache Rides" shirts, and set them both loose on society.


  1. HAHAHA! I think it's so sweet that your mom would buy a shirt that proclaims her love for your dad.

  2. I know! That's what made me sad - she really was trying to make this sweet gesture for my dad, and it ended up being all porny and not-fit-for-public-consumption.

    But it's still really funny.

  3. I laughed so hard at this. Oh my goodness.

  4. Glenn B.7:21 AM

    How much does she want for it?

  5. That is hilarious! I love it.

  6. That's so funnycute! And such a mom thing!

    This totally reminds me: Years ago I had a romantic friend who was in med school on his way to becoming a psychiatrist...Before Christmas one year he saw this custom airbrush T-shirt stand at the mall and decided to make his somewhat older, probably conservative, parents T-shirts. One said, "Peggy Fucks Henry" and the other said, "Henry Fucks Peggy" - and he was surprised that they were horrified.

    Which was my introduction to shrinks being nuts. He was great fun, though.

    1. Seriously? How could he possibly be surprised that they were horrified?? That is too funny.