Thursday, June 09, 2011

The worst four letter word of all

I swear to God, if I hear a sweet little voice say "mama" to me one more time, I may lose what little is left of my mind.

From the time I get the kids up in the morning until I drop them at school, and then from the time I get home from work until we all go to bed, all I ever fucking hear is "mama" (or "mami" if it's coming from Josie).

"Mama?"

"Yes, honey."

"Mama, I want..."

"What?"

"Um.. I... Mama?"

"Yes, dear."

"Mama, can I... can I have..."

"What is it, sweetie?  What do you want?"

"Mama...mama...ummm...."

"Yes?"

"Mama..."

Sometimes I am able to resist the urge to scream "WHAT DO YOU WANT???  SPEAK!" at the top of my lungs. 

But not always.

And now Josie is going through a super-clingy phase.  All she wants is to be sitting on my lap, or hugging me, or for me to be carrying her.  Sometimes I can accommodate.  But it's hard to cook dinner while holding a toddler.  I generally need both hands to chop vegetables.

So last night, she stood at my feet, sobbing "Mami!  Maaaamiiii!" while I cooked and said, "sorry, honey, you're going to have to suck it up for a little while."

And then again this morning when I needed to put her down so I could pee.  Or get dressed.  Or eat something.

She's so pitiful.  And it makes me feel like such an asshole to say, "Josie, you need to get out of my face for a minute.  Away, please."

In her class, the kids are taught to say "away" to other kids who are bothering them or trying to take their toys or whatever, so I figured it would be something she could understand.

Well, she understood it, all right.  And promptly crumpled in a heap of tears and misery.

There's an older lady in my office that I was chatting with in the break room one day.  She asked how many kids I have and how old they are, and when I told her, she said, "oh, it must be hard leaving them every day to come to work."

She was a bit taken aback when I responded, "no, not really."

On days like today, that walk down the hall and out the door after I've delivered the children to their respective classrooms is incredibly liberating.  I can literally feel the stress leaving my body.  Because I know it will be at least 9 hours or so before someone starts tugging at my clothes and pleading, "mama!"

9 comments:

  1. this reminds me of what Jason Bateman says in the trailer for the Change-Up: "Having children is like living with mini heroin addicts - they're laughing one minute, then they're crying the next, then they're trying to kill themselves in your bathroom for no good reason. Very mean and selfish and blow through your money..."

    Ah, the joys of child-rearing.
    Hopefully 'rehab' is just around the corner!

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  2. That description is spot-on. I know that once they're older it gets better. Just need to live through the next few years without killing or maiming anyone.

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  3. Even tho I'm the one who takes care of Walt, it's mommy, mommy, mommy. Some times he'll even say things like, "Daddy, you go away! I want mommy!" It hurts my feelings a little but it's god to have the free time.

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  4. Fred - mine do the same. I keep telling them, "go to Daddy, he's much nicer than I am!" But they stick to me like glue. I guess those biological instincts are a bitch to overcome.

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  5. Bwhahahahahahaha! Oh, how I relate. With the exception of being able to get the fuck away and go to work. Imagine not being able to escape!

    Yeah, I totally have had the moments where I have looked at Em and said, "You need to go find something else to do in another room, because you're making me cranky." So much better than, "Back the fuck off!" LOL!

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  6. Ferreh - I cannot imagine not being able to escape. I think I would spiral into a severe depression if I didn't work.

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  7. Anonymous10:41 AM

    I LOVE this post! I felt so guilty admitting how annoying it was to hear my children call me mommy over and over, but was relieved when all of the other mom's admitted to the same thing. Hang in there Wendy! XXOO Candice

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  8. Oh my god. Oh my god. I have done this thing where I don't yell, but I shake my hands and head and do that muffled scream thing and leave the room and close the door behind me just for ONE MOMENT OF PEACE.

    And approx 87% of Walt's sentences begin with "Mommy I want..."

    And if I don't answer soon enough for his tastes, sometimes he "whistles", meaning he puts his hand to his mouth and does this high pitched "Woo-woot!" noise.

    Get me to the office pronto. Thank god for my career.

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  9. If Zeke tried to summon me by whistling I think I would have a hard time not knocking him into next week.

    And the office is totally my refuge. I would go nuts without it.

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