Wednesday, March 02, 2011


We had a lovely visit with my mom and Emma (who is doing fabulously well, by the way).  Josie recovered from her stomach bug (from which she suffered while also having the miserable experience of cutting 4 molars at once) and was (and is) back to her normal, chipper self, running around all happy and saying new words all the time and eating everything in sight every minute of the day.  Not that I blame her, considering that she essentially went 4 1/2 days without eating.  But it's seriously hilarious now -- she's still a peanut but now she's got this ridiculous belly that sticks out.

Reminds me of her uncle Sam:

This is my brother Sam, aged 2, checking out a safety demonstraton on the beach in North Carolina. 
Josie's belly is even more pronounced than this, if you can believe it.
Anyway, she's doing great. 

But then on the second day of Mom's and Emma's visit, we were standing in the pizza place getting ready to order a pie to take home when Zeke suddenly threw up.  I got him outside.  He threw up again.  We went home.

He was sick for the next 5 days.  Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, exhaustion, and general punkiness.  Which, given his current level of 3-year-old (im)maturity, made him whiny and emotional in addition to his default state of annoying and defiant (when he's not being really sweet).

So I had a nice time hanging out with my mom and my niece, and we got out of the house and did some cool stuff, but we couldn't have the Denver cousins over for dinner because nobody wanted to get Zeke's cooties, and Zeke was exhausted and emotional regardless of what we did, so we always had to be prepared to just pick up and go home if he started to melt down.

And he just wanted to be on me.  "Mama, sleep with me."  "Mama, snuggle with me."  "Mama, I want to sit on your lap."  "Mama, I don't want you to drive.  I want you to sit with me in the car."

Whee!  Motherhood is fun!

Honestly, I feel like I've been living in a state of siege since we moved to Denver.  Just one shitty thing after another (with the exception of Josie being born).  Husband working out of town, husband sick or injured, dog dying, grandfather dying, niece severely injured, moving, losing the Hawaii house, husband unemployed, burst pipes, sick kids, blah blah blah. 

The minute one thing clears up, another thing starts. 

Yes, J recovered fine from his hernia surgery, and yes, he's gainfully employed now, but his work schedule is so fucked up that I still never see him and still never feel like I have any help with the kids.  I have great friends and family in town, but every time we have plans to do something, a short person starts vomiting and we're quarantined.

I'm exhausted.  I'm emotionally drained.  I'm resentful.  I'm lonely.

Life is hard.  Being a grown-up is hard.  I guess I just assumed that there were be more moments of light, more moments of peace, than I'm currently able to enjoy.  Because right now, it pretty much sucks, and I'm not seeing any respite any time soon.


  1. You have dealt with an awful lot, and it's been kind of relentless. You deserve a bit, long, relaxing break from stress and vomiting. I don't even mean you need a big vacation (although I'm sure you do) - you just need for things to run smoothly, not break, not get sick, etc for a long stretch of time while you recharge.

  2. From your lips to God's ear.

  3. is sometimes like this, Wendy. I am so sorry that it is on a roll for you, right now. I promise that this is temporary. Based on my own experience (my husband and Mom having died within a twelve month period) I know that sometimes the crappy parts seem a lot bigger than the good parts. The good news is that life can turn on a dime...just when I think that I cannot take much more (such as being a single parent to a three and 1/2 year old boy - a job for which I DID NOT sign up!)something really magical can happen - like your beautiful bus stop respite or having John Keeley tell me I rock or a feather blowing in one car window and out the other. In the meantime, I love your being so very human and expressing that which many of us feel and don't say out loud. Bitch away, friend!

  4. Thanks, chica. And honestly, when I think about what you went through, I'm ashamed for complaining. Because I guess the trick is finding little moments of beauty that take away from the drudgery of paying bills and getting to work on time and trying to keep the house clean. I need to make a concerted effort to seek those moments out.

    I miss you -- I'm so glad we've reconnected. The next time I go to the ATL we have to get together. xoxo

  5. I was thinking very similar thoughts just yesterday and I'm so sorry you have all of this raining down on you. I told my doctor yesterday that I just keep waiting for the day when Life gets easy.

    But then there are moments, brief as they are, when the sun shines on my face and the breeze feels just right, and one of the boys comes to sit in my lap with a hug and a kiss, and it's all okay for just a moment.

    I have faith, and you need to as well, that one day the clouds will part and it will all get easier and better.

    Hugs to you!

  6. Thanks, Dawn. You're absolutely right.

  7. Hi im joel isaacson, i grew up with the whole seligson clan in detriot & uncle steve was my first & best friend. I knew Uncle leo & aunt ruth so well' he was the sweetest guy & she was such a refined lovely woman. He taught us how to ride bikes & many other activities. We had a real gang of kids on the block & i remember Susie & Janie so well. My folks moved to Woodcreek Condos in 1970 when leo & ruth did & i saw them all the way thru the 90's. The pictures you posted of grandpa are great. Love to share stories with you. give my best regards to all. joel