Friday, August 21, 2009

Reaching rock bottom, but hey, at least we have a date certain!

I read somewhere about a recent study concluding that the myth of pregnancy brain, i.e., that pregnancy makes you stupid, is just that -- a myth.  That there is no evidence that the phenomenon actually exists.

Au contraire, bitches.

Because I know I'm a smart girl.  Not a genius, maybe, but certainly smarter than your average bear.  My major accomplishments in life have largely been based on brain-power.*  

But I am certifiably stupid these days, and the only thing I can surmise is that The Joey is just sucking all of the brain cells right out of my head.  I get things in my hand and then lose them immediately.  I can't remember basic words.  I'll go to work having only remembered to put one earring on, or with socks that don't match.

This morning I reached into the fridge to get some cream for my coffee, and even though I could clearly see that the lid on the little carton wasn't on (God knows what I did with it), I grabbed it and tilted it waaaay over to the side so that it would fit over whatever was in front of it on the shelf .... and proceeded to spill cream all over the inside of the fridge and the floor.   Later when I went to take a sip of the coffee, I forgot that I had only gently placed the lid on the cup, but hadn't firmly affixed it onto the cup, so I spilled coffee all over myself.  

Then I couldn't find my glucose monitoring kit, which was really frustrating because I always put it in the exact same place in my briefcase.  I found it 10 minutes later stuck in a cupboard in the kitchen.  I have no recollection of putting it there.

Jason could only gape at me in astonishment.

The other day I was driving home from the grocery store.  I missed one turn that I was supposed to make, and didn't realize it for at least 3/4 of a mile.  So I wound my way back through the neighborhood (much winding is required because there are many one-way streets, so I couldn't just turn around), and then missed another turn-off.  And I wasn't talking on the phone or even listening to the radio or anything.  I was just completely spaced out.

I have at least three or four incidents like this a day.

At least it provides a good excuse.  I was talking to a guy at our health insurance company about getting replacement cards set out, because even though they just send new ones out to us, of course I immediately lost them and have no idea where they are.

"I know we just got them, but you have to understand, I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant and my brain doesn't work right now."

He laughed and said, "I completely understand.  I'll send new ones out today, don't worry about it."

Standards seem to be slipping in other areas as well.  

I went to wash my face this morning and couldn't find my headband that I use to keep my hair from getting wet.  So I used a pair of thong underwear from the back of my undies drawer -- hell, they're not getting any other use these days.

My sex life consists of having hot dreams about my husband and then telling him about them when I wake up, because God knows I couldn't be bothered to muster up the energy to actually have sex with him.  Poor bastard.

I'm constantly a mess, with crumbs and stains on my clothes, things stuck in my hair, stray pen marks on my skin.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  

Technically, my due date was October 2.  But because of the gestational diabetes and my difficulty delivering Zeke, my OB has talked about inducing after I hit 39 weeks, just to make sure the baby doesn't get too big (though I delivered Zeke at 39 weeks and 3 days, so I might be in for a rough ride nonetheless).  

At my appointment yesterday, we were talking about scheduling, and I said, "my last day of work is September 25, which is a Friday.  Why don't I take the weekend to get organized and we can induce that following Monday or Tuesday."

"That Monday is Yom Kippur," she remarked after looking at the calendar.

"Hmm," I said.  "I don't know why, but it feels weird to plan to induce labor on Yom Kippur.  Let's do it Tuesday."

So, assuming I haven't already gone into labor by then, The Joey will make her appearance on September 29, 2009.  Only 5 1/2 more weeks of The Stupid.

*OK, the tits haven't hurt, but they didn't write the briefs that won me cases at the court of appeals.  Not all of them, anyway. 


  1. Obviously the person or persons who conducted that study have never been pregnant or lived with a pregnant woman. They would have loads and loads of clear, if anecdotal, evidence to the contrary.

    I was just talking with a friend who is about 6 months pregnant yesterday about how pregnancy distorts your sense of perception and causes you to spill things all over yourself constantly.

    I just thing it's intellectually dishonest to deny that hormones affect the brain in this particular way. We know hormonal changes affect the brain by making women who are experiencing them emotional. Why wouldn't hormones affect our memories and other mental faculties as well?

  2. I totally agree. And while I'm generally a mess anyway, I'm not usually as much of a mess as I am these days.

  3. Oh, it's real. When I was pregnant with Sophia, I was hyper-vigilant about Nate and this little guy I babysat for because I was terrified that I would forget them somewhere, just drive off from the library all lalalalalalala and forget them.

    The visual of you with the thong on your head was too much! I'm still laughing!

  4. Lisa -- luckily Jason didn't see me with the thong on my head. I would never live it down.

  5. I can't stop laughing about the thong. Oh my god! Hahahahahaha!

    That study is BS. Considering pregnancy affects your sleep, mood and coordination, it's ludicrous to think your brain isn't compromised.

    That said, my new mom brain was way worse than my pregnancy brain.

  6. Is there a statute of limitations on the new mom brain thing? H will be one this Sunday and I'm still blaming him for my forgetfulness.

    I'd love to know what female drs. who have been pregnant think about that study. I'm hoping their first thought is "BS" as they retire their scalpels for a few months.

  7. Anne -- my new mom brain was just ridiculously over-emotional, but not quite as stupid.

    auntjone -- one of my best friends is an OB, I'll have to ask her. I tend to think she would find the study ludicrous.