Shana Tova! Tits Up!

 My fingers have gotten sloppy at typing on my phone. I used to be much better at it, but lately I'm constantly missing letters or hitting the wrong ones. I rely excessively on autocorrect, often with hilarious or telling results.

Around the first of the year I typed "happy new year" numerous times, as I'm sure we all did. Sending well wishes, hoping that the shit show of 2020 would give way to happier, calmer times. Unfortunately, insurrection proved that to be a short-lived pipe dream, but hope springs eternal, right?

Anyway, happy new year on my phone,

One time it came out as Happy Jew Year, which I guess works. 

Not long after that, it was "happy new teat," which made me laugh really hard. The word "teat" is never not funny.

That made me think of the scenes in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, when Suzy and Midge take a breath and say "tits up!" whenever Midge is getting ready to go out on stage. She squares her shoulders and marches out to face the audience. 

I feel like that's a solid approach for life. 

I know it's a ridiculous statement of the obvious, but the past year was brutal. And the past few months were particularly brutal. I mean, things have been shitty for everyone. I'm not unique. But I can only write about what I know.

We careened through the spring and summer, trying to figure out life in a pandemic, not seeing friends or family. The kids and I went to the Outer Banks in July, and to my parents' house in Virginia for Thanksgiving - both times after everyone tested negative for coronavirus AND going through the airport in essentially a hazmat suit. 

But it wasn't the same, especially Thanksgiving. No hockey game, no Turkey Trot, no Day After Thanksgiving Pie celebration. 

Zeke in particular was miserable. I mean, he's 13, with everything that entails. Meaning when he's not utterly charming and being super sweet to me, he's a complete asshole. 

At one point, I called my mom for advice. 

"I don't know how to deal with this."

"Yeah, it sucks."

"What did you do with Sam when he was this age?"

"I didn't talk to him for two years."

She's a wise woman.

School has been a disaster. Both kids hate the remote-online format, especially Josie. She's in her first year of middle school at an all-girls charter school. A big part of their philosophy is athleticism and movement, and how that complements a rigorous academic program. But she has never set foot in the building. She hasn't truly interacted with any of her classmates. They do PE online, which is stupid. She is so, so unhappy.

Zeke is inconsistent about logging in to his classes. I get calls all the time from teachers letting me know he needs to do a test or get caught up on an assignment. He's so damned smart that he'll say, "oh, ok," log in, take the test, and get a 90% without even studying. But his grades suck because he spends a lot of time doing fuck-all.

Getting them up in the morning to start class was a fight almost every day. Getting them to get their butts up to get any kind of exercise was a fight every day. Thank goodness for the trampoline. Getting them motivated to do just about anything was a fight every day. 

I was constantly worn out, constantly emotionally wrecked, constantly feeling like an utter failure as a mother. 

I decided to stop fighting. It was taking too much out of me. The solution was to embrace the suck, stop caring so much and to recognize that none of it matters that much in the long term. They're not in high school. Their grades right now won't matter when they're applying to colleges. This crazy year will, hopefully, be a blip. 

I told them, "I don't care if you get As. Just don't get Fs. Do enough to get by, and when you're back in school in person, we'll worry about getting back on track then. Log in, participate, do something. That's all I care about."

I would get emails from school to the effect of, "we're starting a new unit on geology! Make sure to check your student's grades!"

Nah. I don't care.

Because I almost always have the kids on New Year's Eve, it tends to be a low-key affair. Maybe we'll watch the Times Square ball drop on TV, and then call my family to celebrate a 10 PM East Coast New Year's.

This year I had two Zoom New Year's parties set up, one with my family, and one with my India girlies. I decided to put on a sparkly shirt and earrings, mix myself some champagne cocktails, and have some fun. 

Champagne cocktail
1 sugar cube
2-3 dashes Angostura bitters
1 ounce brandy
4-6 ounces champagne
garnish with orange slice and maraschino cherry

 The drinks and the company were delicious. It was the most festive New Year's Eve I've had in years. 

The orange abomination in the White House is on his way out. Our politics are fraught, but it's a start. My kids' schools have announced dates to start back in person. I have a hot date tomorrow. The pandemic is a nightmare, but there's a vaccine (which I'm getting this week). It feels like there's a tiny glimmer of light peeking out from the end of the tunnel. 

Deep breath. Sally forth. Tits up.