The worst four letter word of all

I swear to God, if I hear a sweet little voice say "mama" to me one more time, I may lose what little is left of my mind.

From the time I get the kids up in the morning until I drop them at school, and then from the time I get home from work until we all go to bed, all I ever fucking hear is "mama" (or "mami" if it's coming from Josie).

"Mama?"

"Yes, honey."

"Mama, I want..."

"What?"

"Um.. I... Mama?"

"Yes, dear."

"Mama, can I... can I have..."

"What is it, sweetie?  What do you want?"

"Mama...mama...ummm...."

"Yes?"

"Mama..."

Sometimes I am able to resist the urge to scream "WHAT DO YOU WANT???  SPEAK!" at the top of my lungs. 

But not always.

And now Josie is going through a super-clingy phase.  All she wants is to be sitting on my lap, or hugging me, or for me to be carrying her.  Sometimes I can accommodate.  But it's hard to cook dinner while holding a toddler.  I generally need both hands to chop vegetables.

So last night, she stood at my feet, sobbing "Mami!  Maaaamiiii!" while I cooked and said, "sorry, honey, you're going to have to suck it up for a little while."

And then again this morning when I needed to put her down so I could pee.  Or get dressed.  Or eat something.

She's so pitiful.  And it makes me feel like such an asshole to say, "Josie, you need to get out of my face for a minute.  Away, please."

In her class, the kids are taught to say "away" to other kids who are bothering them or trying to take their toys or whatever, so I figured it would be something she could understand.

Well, she understood it, all right.  And promptly crumpled in a heap of tears and misery.

There's an older lady in my office that I was chatting with in the break room one day.  She asked how many kids I have and how old they are, and when I told her, she said, "oh, it must be hard leaving them every day to come to work."

She was a bit taken aback when I responded, "no, not really."

On days like today, that walk down the hall and out the door after I've delivered the children to their respective classrooms is incredibly liberating.  I can literally feel the stress leaving my body.  Because I know it will be at least 9 hours or so before someone starts tugging at my clothes and pleading, "mama!"