Bitchfest

We had a lovely visit with my mom and Emma (who is doing fabulously well, by the way).  Josie recovered from her stomach bug (from which she suffered while also having the miserable experience of cutting 4 molars at once) and was (and is) back to her normal, chipper self, running around all happy and saying new words all the time and eating everything in sight every minute of the day.  Not that I blame her, considering that she essentially went 4 1/2 days without eating.  But it's seriously hilarious now -- she's still a peanut but now she's got this ridiculous belly that sticks out.

Reminds me of her uncle Sam:

This is my brother Sam, aged 2, checking out a safety demonstraton on the beach in North Carolina. 
Josie's belly is even more pronounced than this, if you can believe it.

Anyway, she's doing great. 

But then on the second day of Mom's and Emma's visit, we were standing in the pizza place getting ready to order a pie to take home when Zeke suddenly threw up.  I got him outside.  He threw up again.  We went home.

He was sick for the next 5 days.  Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, exhaustion, and general punkiness.  Which, given his current level of 3-year-old (im)maturity, made him whiny and emotional in addition to his default state of annoying and defiant (when he's not being really sweet).

So I had a nice time hanging out with my mom and my niece, and we got out of the house and did some cool stuff, but we couldn't have the Denver cousins over for dinner because nobody wanted to get Zeke's cooties, and Zeke was exhausted and emotional regardless of what we did, so we always had to be prepared to just pick up and go home if he started to melt down.

And he just wanted to be on me.  "Mama, sleep with me."  "Mama, snuggle with me."  "Mama, I want to sit on your lap."  "Mama, I don't want you to drive.  I want you to sit with me in the car."

Whee!  Motherhood is fun!

Honestly, I feel like I've been living in a state of siege since we moved to Denver.  Just one shitty thing after another (with the exception of Josie being born).  Husband working out of town, husband sick or injured, dog dying, grandfather dying, niece severely injured, moving, losing the Hawaii house, husband unemployed, burst pipes, sick kids, blah blah blah. 

The minute one thing clears up, another thing starts. 

Yes, J recovered fine from his hernia surgery, and yes, he's gainfully employed now, but his work schedule is so fucked up that I still never see him and still never feel like I have any help with the kids.  I have great friends and family in town, but every time we have plans to do something, a short person starts vomiting and we're quarantined.

I'm exhausted.  I'm emotionally drained.  I'm resentful.  I'm lonely.

Life is hard.  Being a grown-up is hard.  I guess I just assumed that there were be more moments of light, more moments of peace, than I'm currently able to enjoy.  Because right now, it pretty much sucks, and I'm not seeing any respite any time soon.