As far as I can tell, boredom is the key to success

Jason and I are doing the South Beach diet. We decided to try it because my friend Jenn recommended it and said she lost 10 pounds right off the bat. Sounds good to me, I thought. I've felt pudgy for a long time, and I've been working out, but I can't seem to get rid of the spare tire that has taken up residence where my waist used to be. Jason likes to do whatever diet I'm doing, so he's on it too. Plus he thinks he's having a fat week (news flash -- he isn't).

During the first two weeks, you're supposed to reset your metabolism and reduce your dependence on refined carbs and sugar by foregoing all pasta, rice, bread, sugar, or fruit. You can eat lean protein, lean dairy, nuts, and most vegetables to your heart's content.

Which means alot of omelettes (you can use real eggs, but I need to watch my cholesterol, so I'm using egg substitute) and alot of chef salad-y concoctions. We did a turkey chili the other night (beans are allowed), and sauteed chicken breast with broccoli another. And it's all fine, but whereas at first I was all, "ooh, yum, an omelette with cheese and broccoli and mushrooms," now I'm all, "ah, Christ, another fucking omelette." "Another macademia nut. Ho hum." "Another stupid string cheese stick. Feh."

But it's working.

And while I'm sure part of it is that I haven't eaten any bread or fruit or sugar, some of it is that I'm so tired with my food choices that I eat very little. Plus, a convenient side effect of the medication I'm on for my nose infection is loss of appetite.

So I guess the moral of the story is, if you want to lose weight, South Beach is the way to go because you'll be so fucking bored you won't feel like eating.

Or just have a MRSA-infected toddler slobber all over you as he learns how to give kisses.

Either way, you'll be skinny in no time.