Going home

My grandmother died last night.

It was a pleasant afternoon yesterday so I took Zeke to the playground and watched him have fun climbing around and going down the slide (with my help). I checked my messages when I got home and there was one from my mother, who was crying and asked me to call her as soon as possible.

"Ruth," I thought to myself. She's been in a convalescent center since getting out of the hospital after I saw her in April. She stopped eating a few months ago and has been deteriorating fast.

I called my mom back. It was after midnight on the east coast. She picked up right away.

"Your grandmother is dying. She's not going to make it through the night."

"Aw, Mom, I'm so sorry."

Then I remembered that she was coming out here on Friday. "Are you canceling your trip? I guess you must be."

"Yes, I'll reschedule. The funeral is probably going to be on Wednesday."

"Do you need me to come to Detroit?"

"It would be wonderful if you could be here. But I hate to ask, it's such a long trip and it's so expensive."

"Don't worry about it. I'll be there. Let me get Zeke to bed and I'll get organized and get a flight out."

"OK, honey. You're the best. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Mommy. I'll call you when I've got everything set."

So Zeke and I are going to Detroit tonight. I'm not thrilled with the prospect of taking him such a long way for such a short time (I'm coming back this weekend), but with Jason's schedule (he has to leave for work at 4:15 in the morning, and Zeke's daycare doesn't open until 6), it doesn't make sense to leave him.

Plus I like the idea of having babies around when we're dealing with a death. My brother is bringing his 1-year-old daughter and my cousin is bringing her 6-month-old son, and it will be nice to have munchkins around to remind us that life goes on and the generations will continue.

Today is a whirlwind. I've got to pack, clean the house and get organized. Prepare formula bottles for the plane and figure out what I'm going to wear to the funeral. Email work and let them know.

Being busy is a welcome distraction. I'm sad for my mom and her siblings. My mom is going through this alone right now, because my dad is white-water rafting on a river somewhere in Idaho and is totally incommunicado. There's no cell service on the Salmon River, so he won't even know about it until the funeral is over.

I'm sad for my grandmother. She's finally at peace, but the last few years of her life have sucked. She's been out of it mentally for a long time, and clearly was ready to be done with her life.

Mostly I'm sad for my grandpa. He and my grandma were married for 66 years, and he adored her. Even though his last few years with her have been so hard, he's been so lonely without her since she went into the rehab facility. I don't know what he's going to do now.

I'm feeling a heightened appreciation for my health and (relative) youth. I'm feeling very much in the moment as I spend time with Zeke, cherishing how sweet and beautiful and funny he is. My heart feels full of love for my family and my friends. Even though the circumstances aren't the greatest, I'm looking forward to feeling that family connection again.