These past few days have shown me that I could easily become a recluse. With the exception of making idle chatter with the guy at the checkout counter at the grocery store, or explaining to the guy at the bike shop what needs to be fixed on Jason's bike, I have had no real face to face interaction with a human being since Jason and Zeke left. And while I miss my husband and my baby, I haven't really minded being so alone.
Don't get me wrong. I like people from a distance. I don't mind talking on the phone. I watch my news shows. Right now I've got Wimbledon on the TV as I type this. I read my blogs. I read my books. I'm interested in what other people do.
But I'm terrible at meaningless chit-chat. Most people I meet bore me. And, truth be told, I often feel uncomfortable in social situations, like I don't fit in or like people don't like me or think I'm weird (which I probably am). So it's easier to be by myself.
The strange thing is, I often really enjoy being out with friends. This weekend I'm playing tennis with Anne, my friend who's doing the cleanse with me, and I'm really looking forward to it. She's smart and fun to be with, and I love playing tennis, so it should be a grand outing. When it comes to my closest friends, like Kathleen or Michele or Elizabeth, I always love spending time with them, because I feel like I can be myself around them.
In the meantime, I don't mind being a hermit.
Speaking of the cleanse, I'm feeling great. I've been reading and learning about food and nutrition, and it's making me be much more thoughtful about eating. I'm off of red meat for good, I think. I'll probably eat chicken and fish sparingly. I'll eat whole grains and whole wheat pastas, but probably limit the amount of bread that I eat. I doubt I'll consume dairy the way I used to. And for sure, I'm done with sugar and caffeine.
The thing that I have noticed since I started the cleanse is that all of a sudden, I feel much calmer. The depression and anxiety that are an almost constant physical presence -- a flutter in my gut, a tightness in my chest -- are gone. And the reason I'm fairly sure it's the sugar is that yesterday, I had a piece of gluten-free rice bread toasted with some agave nectar on top. Agave nectar is touted as a great sugar substitute -- it's like honey, but sweeter and less viscous -- but unlike stevia, it has sucrose and fructose in it. And within minutes of eating it, I felt gross and kind of jittery.
It's only the first week, so I'll be really curious to see how I feel at the end of the three weeks. Based on how it's going so far, I'm optimistic. At the very least, I'm learning so much, it's really fun and interesting.
I've been home alone in my little city apartment and loving it. Nick left Weds and is back tomorrow. I think alone time is so rare - particularly once you have kids - and really important.
ReplyDeleteAs for the cleanse, even if it's been pretty easy for you, I still say good for you! I love love love coffee, and letting go of sugar, for me, is really hard.
I love coffee too, but I've discovered that what I really love is the ritual of it. So I have a cup of decaf, and go through my routine of making a cup when I get back from walking the dog and then settling down at my desk to read my email, the news, etc. And not to sound like I'm being paid to shill, but stevia tastes like sugar, can be used in cooking, but has no sucrose, fructose, glucose, or anything bad in it. It's a great substitute.
ReplyDeletei must admit i have no idea what agave nectar is, or what stevia is, either. i realize i know pretty much nothing about food after reading your post :) it's nice to be able to see some results right away, it makes it easier to stick out the hard parts!
ReplyDeleteand being alone is always a nice thing...people don't give it enough credit. I mean, how are you supposed to know who you are, if you and yourself never get together once in a while?
I never knew what stevia or agave nectar was either. I learned all of this stuff in the last week. It's been quite a steep learning curve.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad the cleanse is working for you!
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with you. I really love my time alone. Now that I'm working in an office again, I'm having to adjust. One of my colleagues is very chatty and I think I'm stifling a groan when she sits down next to my desk to chat.
Oddly enough even for all of my talking about how I miss having loads of friends, it's really not about quantity, it's about quality for sure. So I know exactly what you mean. In any case, I've been thinking about you...
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I have been thinking about what you said about the coffee ritual, and I think that's a big part of what I like, too. I do enjoy the caffeine jolt, though, I must admit. I'm cutting down to no more than one cup a day and then maybe decaf in a week or so. I've used stevia in stuff before, and liked it ok but didn't love it. But maybe should give it another try.
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