Bonding over Kris Kristofferson

I've always had a pretty good singing voice, and have used it in everything from school choruses to talent shows to a bluegrass band that I was in for a couple of years. I always harbored a secret fantasy that I could make money singing, but it doesn't look like that's going to come to pass.

But as satisfying as I imagine it would be to be a professional singer, I'm finding I'm getting just as much satisfaction from the fact that my baby boy loves my voice.

Mondays and Wednesdays Jason has school after work, so he doesn't get home until after Zeke goes to bed. So those are our special mommy-baby nights.

Tonight we went for a walk in the stroller (and for the first time, Zekey rode in the front sitting up like a big boy, rather than in the car seat attachment), and we enjoyed the balmy weather and the pretty sunset. He discovered that he looooooves pears, and he practically sucked down the mashed pears and rice cereal I fed him, smiling and gurgling the whole time. We had a marvelous time during his bath, as he splashed and grinned and laughed when I squirted him with the ducky toy. He got a nice lotion massage before putting on his jammies, and then we settled into the rocker to go to sleep.

He was lying in my arms sucking on his bottle, eyes at half-mast, and I started to sing to him. A lullaby from U2's Unforgettable Fire album, then a couple of bluegrass gospel standards (Angel Band and Drifting Too Far From the Shore), and then Me and Bobby McGee. When I've sung it on stage, I've done the Janis Joplin cover version, but it's too frenetic for bedtime, so when I sing it to Zeke, I do the original Kris Kristofferson version, which is much slower and more melancholy.

When I got to the chorus, Zeke looked up at me and suddenly gave me this huge grin and made a happy little squeal. I couldn't help but smile back, but I kept singing, so we sat there gazing at each other as I finished the song, and he cooed and smiled and gave me the most adoring look. After a minute or so, he sighed deeply, buried his face in my chest, and closed his eyes to go to sleep. I felt so loving and content, I could have rocked him and gazed at his beautiful face all night.

Kathleen once said that as much as you're blown away by your love for your child, what really blows you away is how much they love you. I've seen it in the way Zeke looks at Jason sometimes -- Jason will talk to him and Zeke will reach up and touch Jason's face and smile and make these sweet noises.

And he smiles at me and responds to me all the time, but when we had that little moment tonight, I felt like I could really see all of the love he had for me in his eyes and his smile, and it made me just about melt.

Jason feels the baby love