Perhaps the one area in which my husband and I aren't entirely compatible is our attitude towards surprises. I hate them, he loves them. I seek out spoilers about my favorite TV shows, because it doesn't ruin the watching experience for me if I already know what happens. (Though I was unspoiled when Janice shot Richie Aprile in the second to last episode of Season 2 of The Sopranos, and the shock of it was fucking awesome.) I will sometimes peek at the end of a novel to see what happens, because I just want to see where it's going and if it's worth my effort to continue reading. It doesn't dampen my enjoyment of the book at all.
I have many friends and relatives who chose not to find out the sex of their baby during pregnancy, because they wanted to be surprised. I don't understand this at all. What's so great about being surprised? To me, knowing something in advance not only allows you to enjoy the thing when it happening, but also to enjoy the anticipation of it, so you're basically doubling your pleasure. Like the Doublemint Gum TM version of life.
These issues have all come up in the context of Jason's birthday present for me, namely arranging for a number of my close friends from Atlanta to come to Hawaii, and renting a big beach house up on the North Shore for everyone to stay in. I guess the idea was that he would come up with some excuse to get in the car, like we were going out for dinner or something, and we would pull up at the house and everyone would be out on the deck and I would plotz from excitement. Jason ended up having to spill the beans because one of our friends is getting married the day after my birthday and I was seriously contemplating flying back to Atlanta for the weekend to be with her, as distasteful as an 11 hour flight with about 36 hours' turnaround sounded.
But, it turns out, he was still holding out on me.
Because of the craziness of peoples' schedules -- one couple was trying to sell their house and couldn't do anything until they did, another just had a baby about 4 weeks ago, another was about to get married, etc. -- I was told that only one family could make it. But Jason kept hinting that I would be getting another surprise, and I just had a feeling that it would be that my best friend Kathleen would be able to come, even if she couldn't come with her husband and kids.
And then I found out that my suspicions were right. And now Michele (she of the Gulfstream V rating) may come out as well with her new baby. And not only does Jason not know that I know, but I don't think he knows about Michele because she just decided to try to come out, like, yesterday.
Part of me thinks I should just let Jason have his fun and think I'm in the dark. But part of me wants to emphasize to him how much more fun it's been for me over the past week or so knowing that other people would be able to make it and looking forward to seeing them. To me, that millisecond of shock and joy that the surprise would have caused is nothing compared to the joy of knowing my friends will be here and anticipating how much fun we're going to have.
What should I do?
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*Jason doesn't read this blog, so there's no risk that he'll find out about this by virtue of this post.
Thank you SO much for your comment! You really made my day! And thanks too for telling me about your experience with your son--there's so much focus on breastfeeding these days that I feel like I'm already abusing my not-yet-child by not being able to breastfeed.
ReplyDeleteYou said that Jason loves surprises, right? Well, I'd surprise him! That way, both of you win--you get to enjoy the anticipation of knowing your friend will be there, and he'll be surprised. Then you can tell him later how much more fun it is for you to know in advance.
Have a great weekend, and happy early birthday!
Jen -- thank you so much! And I'm glad I could reassure you. Not being able to breastfeed is nowhere near the end of the world.
ReplyDeleteSo you think I should tell Jason that I know?
Ohhh, this is hard. He's so delighted to organize this big thing for you, and for him a big part of the pleasure is that he's going to get to surprise you...then I would try my hardest to let him surprise you. Unless you absolutely can't keep it in. I don't know if I could, and I LOVE surprises. He sounds so incredibly sweet!
ReplyDeleteIt's for YOUR birthday. So I say do what you want.
ReplyDeleteWell, the cat ended up jumping out of the bag this afternoon. He had separate phone convos with Kathleen and Michele, and they convinced him that with all of the people involved and all of the various airline itineraries and whatnot to juggle, I was bound to figure something out. So I did it half-way -- I told him that I had suspected that Kathleen was coming out, and that my suspicions were confirmed when Michele called to ask if it was OK if she came out as well. And I explained to him how happy I am looking forward to it. And to top it off, I'll give him a little action tonight and make him feel *really* special. :)
ReplyDeleteI was going to agree with Lisa...let Jason have his fun. Part of the joy in receiving a wonderful gift (to me at least) is in seeing how much joy it gives the giver.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad it worked out for both of you. What an amazing gift! Your husband sounds like a gem.