Monday, April 14, 2008

Elizabeth Bennet would know how to handle this...

My mother-in-law is coming for a visit. For a month. Yes, you read that right. A month. She'll be here from May 2-31. Which is about a month. Oh, and her father (Jason's grandfather, we call him "Pa") is coming too. Also for a month.

Not being a part of the English nobility during the time of Jane Austen novels, I have no experience with people coming to visit for a month. I also don't have a big manor house for people to stay in, just a teeny little guest bedroom and bathroom. No servants to wait on them (God, I miss living in India...) No extra carriages to take them to their various social engagements. Just my little 3 bedroom house, Jason's shitty van (that only has one front passenger seat), and my 10-year-old Mercedes that is currently filled with a baby carseat, about 40 teething toys, multiple daycare daily progress reports, a musical octopus that Zeke likes to play with, and probably a couple or three dirty, used bottles that have made their way under the seats.

I don't have a problem with Jason's mom or grandpa. His mom is a very nice woman who has always been lovely to me, and Pa is a sweet guy who has always been a dear. But I have about as much in common with my mother-in-law as I do with a man from Mars. We have completely different life experiences and world views, and I just don't think we understand each other at all. As a result, our conversations tend to revolve around the weather and the dog.

Plus, my house is not big, and I'm getting anxiety attacks thinking about all of us living on top of each other for a month. And I have a job, and I have to do that job if I hope to keep it so that I can continue to pay my mortgage. But I work out of the house. So I'm home, but not really available to take people out to see the sights during the day. Which can be awkward. For a month.

And there's nothing I can say. I gently tried to impress upon Jason my family's maxim that, like fish, relatives start to stink after 3 days. But he didn't want to hurt his mom's feelings, and I sure as hell am not going to create a fuss, so I guess we'll suck it up. For a month.

8 comments:

  1. Yikes. I'd be beside myself if Nick's mom were coming for a month, (but her personality is very different from how you describe Jason's mom). Hopefully they will be low key and be able to help with Zeke and keep themselves entertained? He's going to have to make it really clear that even if you are home, you're working and not available to play with them.

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  2. Anonymous6:18 PM

    One month? Crikey! That's waaaaay overboard for me. I wouldn't let MY mother come stay for more than a few days, let alone anyone else's (and I really LIKE my in-laws). Can you recommend a nice hotel to them for the weekends so you'll at least have a little time to yourself?

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  3. Is there any free babysitting involved?

    I have just been reading about this issue...dealing with relatives and the stress it induces.

    Try to think about seeing these family members as you would want someone to see you – with love and compassion. See the conflicts as opportunities to learn and grow. You may not agree with them, but you don't have to change their minds. Just accept them as they are and love them anyway.

    Practically, just tell yourself that it is only a month, not eternity. Be willing to ask for help if MIL is healthy and able to give it. Let her take Zeke for a walk or out to the park. Ask her to pitch in and fold the laundry or to cook one of Jason's favorite meals for supper one night a week. See if she'll watch Zeke while y'all go out to surf or catch a movie.

    And breathe.

    I think if you're honest and up front (I can't entertain you during these hours because I have to work but here's the name of a taxi service that can take you all over the island, etc.), you can avoid a lot of hurt feelings.

    Hang in there and keep looking for the positive. If you dwell on the negative (I say this from experience), it's no doubt what you'll find.

    I'm not trying to be preachy; I'm just into this you get what you put out mentality right now and I know how stressed out I'd be, so I'm just trying to help you find practical ways to deal with it.

    Hugs.

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  4. Y'all are so sweet, and Dawn, you're right, it will be fine. I don't anticipate big problems. and I like your idea of having MIL watch Zeke or cook a meal or two. I think the biggest thing for me is that I've gotten used to spending alot of time by myself and to having the house to myself during the day, and it's going to be weird having other people around.

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  5. on one hand, didn't she have a lot of do with how jason turned out? if yes, then it can't be all torture.

    on the other hand...oy vey.

    but it will all be fine, and it's only a month. 30 days. think of all the things people have endured for 30 days and lived. (prison, fasts, the last month of pregnancy, a work-out-regime, etc...) you are so much tougher than that.

    let me know what i can do to help.
    love
    e

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  6. Anonymous6:53 PM

    A month? I think I would go insane. For a month.

    Or you could look at it like this. Hang in there. It's only a month.

    Perspective. But staff would be really, really nice.

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  7. Anonymous12:04 AM

    Perhaps this temporary paid lay off truly is a blessing in disguise; particularly if it is timed to coincide with ma and pa's visit!

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  8. Jules -- you are so right. We're actually looking at it as a lovely paid vacation. Jason will be able to spend time with his mother and grandfather, and I will be able to do my work uninterrupted. The timing couldn't have been better.

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Nu?